"Julie & Julia" && Faith~!

The scoop is, it has been a rough couple of days.  My fear and my worry has been clouding my faith and my trust in God.

I am inspired tonight to write because of the movie "Julie & Julia."  I have never watched it before now, and I have about an hour left to watch.  I stopped it for the time being because it is 2:33 AM, my time, and the wonderful man I call the love of my life, will soon be calling to tell me he is on his way home.

I have storm brewing, right under my heart and above my stomach.  It has been brewing for some time, I've only been aware of it for a week or two.  It feels like a tightly woven ball of chaos.  It takes a lot to keep it tightly woven... the last thing I want is for it to unravel and become a useless shell of a person.  I need to be calm, I have to be strong.  Through my faith and trust in God I can be those things. With my faith and trust in God I can conquer this storm, I can diminish it to absolutely nothing.

It is now 2:48 AM.  I have been on the phone for 13 minutes and writing is utterly impossible while I am trying to listen and speak with Charles.  It is important that I hear him.  It is important that I pay attention and be attentive to what he needs. Just now he's said something about "awesome-ness in a stick of gum" which is my cue to start paying attention.  It's the weird statements that always catch my ear.

Be happy and be at peace, the Lord is with you, even when life feels utterly impossible.  He's standing right there blocking the bulk of the shit storm, because he loves you.

Until Next Time...
-Ash-
<3

Grandpa Ron && Super Mario~!

What's the scoop Snoopy?

Well, yesterday, Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday the 6th of February, I went to see my dad.  I showed up home-made cheesecake (Nutella chocolate chip brownie cheesecake, to be exact), a party pack of tacos, and two bottles of my favorite green tea in hand.  To my very own surprise my brother, his girlfriend (who I absolutely adore), and one of his good friends were there.  What a freaking treat!!!  I haven't seen my brother since right after Christmas, and I deeply regretted that I did not give him a hug when I saw him last.  My brother is one of those people I will love more than my own life, for the rest of my life, and beyond this life.

As he was walking out the door, saying his good-byes, I asked him for a hug.  He immediately obliged and I did not know until he hugged me that I really needed that (Charles and I had a pretty heated argument yesterday, over something that was completely out of either of our control).  Through all of the stress I am feeling, I am realizing I need my people.  Even if my people are few and far between, and even if they are distant, the interaction I have with them is essential for my sanity.  Some days I am alone for so long I feel like I am slipping off a cliff.  The life I have been living for over two years has been a very depressing one.  Getting out of this house, and getting out of this chaos, has been an essential ingredient in keeping my tuned in with reality most weeks.

Daniel and I! <3

Any-who, I digress, I am going to a depressing place I just do not want to be in.

After my bro-ham left the Super Bowl festivities began.  Dad and I window shopped on line for an hour or so then went to watch the Super Bowl about half way through the 2nd quarter.  After the terrible half-time show, Dad went and played a little Super Mario on the computer.  We talked about a lot of the early memories I had and Dad helped me to separate memories I had smooshed together.  We spoke about my biological grand-father who I admittedly do not think about often.  It hurts my heart that I did not know him before he passed, so to make up for that I ask my dad about him.  I now know his birth date and his death date.  I also know he knew about me, and he even held me when I was a baby.  My dad showed me his bible, has shared his prayers with me -- which I am almost done reading-- and has allowed me to take and read his little black note book -- where my grandfather wrote tidbits of his life.

Yesterday was a spectacular day.  It was one of those days I will always cherish and it was one of those day that reminded me why I am going to miss the Gainesville area so much.

Today has not been particularly great.  The manner in which I was woken up was terrible.  It was yet again an inconsiderate wake up call that my lovely boyfriend tried desperately to avoid.  I then went to go pee and as I was getting up from the toilet I heard a sickening cracking noise.  My hip jumped out of place then quickly decided it wanted to be back in place.  I yelled for Charles, he came and helped me to bed, and I broke down.  I cannot remember a time I cried so hard for as long as I did.  Charles laid down with me until I drifted back to sleep.  I woke up at 3PM, still in an extreme amount of pain, and I got to see my Charles for a brief period of time before he had to be out the door for work.

Today is not shaping up to be a pleasant day.  However, I am blessed, this I know.  I also have many things to thank my Lord for.  So as this blog post comes to an end, I am focusing on those things I am thankful for.  I am going to plow through some homework and hopefully relieves some of this pain by laying down afterward.

Until Next Time...

-Ash-

<3

Gleekend && Cheesecakes~!

I am jumping back on the blogging bandwagon, so to speak.

So what's the scoop Snoop-y?!

There is a lot of scoop.  I just need to figure out where to begin.

Well the biggest news is Charles is in for his promotion.  We are very excited this time, more so than last time, and have been told we have reason to be so excited.  The last time Charles was up for promotion, the entire situation was handled terribly, and we both almost lost two of our greatest friends.  The first time he was going to be promoted in-center.  For those of you who do not understand what that means, he was going to be promoted at his home center, the center that he started working at.  If he gets this promotion he will be moved to Casselberry, Altamonte, or Orlando.

Moving to one of those three beautiful cities means... dum, dum, dum... we will be moving out into this world on our own.  I must say, I am extremely excited and at the very same time I am extremely scared.  I have never lived on my own, never-mind the fact that my boyfriend and I are officially moving into our very own, first place together.  I feel so grown-up when we start discussing our plans to move.  I also do not want to "count our chickens before they hatch".  We're trying to keep a lid on the entire thing.  However, that is proving to be difficult when there are other people discussing it.  You know we have to share this stuff with our families, and we have chosen to share this with our close friends.  However, other people discussing it, especially those it does not effect, is a nerve-grating issue.

Is that not big news?!  I thought so.  It's pretty stressful, and I have allowed the stress to take me down a notch.  However, I read something this week I would really love to share with you.  It helped to lift me up and show me just exactly how truly blessed I am.

"Don't Stop Believing" By: Kandee Johnson.

I also received a simply illustrated email from my Dad that really put things into perspective for me.

The illustration shows a guy who is rather frustrated asking the Lord, "Why me"?!  When he gets up he gets hit with a rock, looks to the sky, and screams "WHY"?!?!?! He looks back and sees the Lord standing in front of a rock storm, trying to block as many of the rocks as possible. The Lord says to him, "Are you alright?  I might have missed a small piece."

How beautiful is that?!  I have been finding encouragement in some of the most unexpected places.  I have a feeling the Lord is standing over my shoulder, showing me he is in fact with me, through everything I am going through.

Anyway, that is the scoop for today. I have made 3 out of 4 of the cheesecake I have to make this weekend. I am watching the rest of the Gleekend marathon. Aaannd... I have to finish my homework for the week.  Tomorrow I am going to spend the evening with my father.  I really am going to miss being so close to our families.

Until Next Time...

-Ash-

<3

P.S.. February 3rd was my beautiful mother's birthday. Happy Birthday Momma! <3